Sick Boi

I might not do this again, or maybe I will, but here is Music Monday!

I came across a new artist last night, Ren. His music not only speaks plainly about the realities of mental health, but also the realities of 21st Century Britain. Today, I will focus on 'Sick Boi' where Ren challenges the normative model of mental health treatment, which, when offered in the imbalanced way it is in this song, can be extremely disempowering and even traumatic. Personally, I have had this experience, but have also had very positive and helpful experiences too. Please be aware that this post contains topics of traumatic healthcare and the lyrics quoted in full, which means some swearwords. 

The lyrics offer a succinct and cogent summary of the less than helpful interaction:

"Hi Ren, thank you for coming in today,

Thanks for seeing me-

Looking at your file here,

It seems there is a very apparent interplay with your emotional state and your physical body,

Have you ever heard of the trauma response?

I don't think so-

Basically, our bodies can get stuck in a negative feedback loop,

Our subconscious can repeat patterns from the past,

Which can have a pretty drastic effect downstream effect on our biology,

Essentially, your mind is making you sick"

What I take from this is a stark power imbalance, in tandem with total apathy from the medical character, which comes together to deny Ren his humanity within this supposed dialogue - it's more of a monologue from the clinician. Sadly, this is a common experience, as some (not all!) working in the mental health field do not take individuality into account, or that, perhaps, more is required than a reductionist explanation of the trauma response that erroneously places the blame on the mind, and, therefore, on Ren.

However, it is important to appreciate that the information is not incorrect, bar that last statement that the mind is to blame. In fact, the information conveyed is core to integrating the individual interplays that we each have between mind and body, and work to accept and work with the patterns we find operating throughout ourselves. Essentially, you are who you are, and by acknowledging what makes you, you, you can work to create a self greater than the sum of its parts. 

"Sick boy, sick boy, bitten by a tick boy,

Looking for that fix boy, anabolic steroids,

Stem cell poster boy, pass out, white noise,

Quick fix, snake oil, I'm about to break boy,

Oh, what a shame, he's in pain, have another go,

Take another pill, here, take a couple more,

Let's see how you're doing in another week or so,

You'll be feeling worse when the side effects will show"

Again, the theme of disempowerment for Ren and apathy from the practitioner shine through, with Ren being placed on different medications with little care for how difficult this is for him to go through. The phrase "poster boy" sticks out to me a great deal, and I'd take that to refer to the notion of fitting into what it is to be 'normal'. This is core to the disempowerment, as it posits that the individual experiencing distress is responsible for it - not outright but implicitly. 

I also find particular power in "oh, what a shame, he's in pain, have another go" as this mirrors traumatic experiences that I have had with apathetic doctors who have fallen foul of depersonalising and dehumanising their patient, as opposed to caring. However, it is understandable that those working in health would reach a point where they can't cope with the stresses, which would place them in this state of apathy. This is a lose-lose situation, which can, and to a certain extent, is, be(ing) addressed. 

"De-realization, medical patient,

Losing patience with the process, walking hand in hand with Satan,

Complications with the medications, inflammation, dehydration,

Inhalation aggravation, building up a toleration,

Drown sucker, drown sucker, drown sucker, drown,

I've been feeling like I'm drowning with my feet upon the ground,

I've been screaming, I've been shouting, but I never make a sound,

I've been looking for a way out, but I always seem to drown"

Again, it is abundantly clear that Ren has not been listened to by the medical system, and has been defined as a 'bad patient'. Firstly, I see this in the opening line "de-realization, medical patient". The term derealisation refers to the phenomena where one feels their surroundings are unfamiliar or unreal, and it's a form of dissociation. In other words, you could say your sense of what's real does not match what you see before you. Juxtaposed with "medical patient" and in the context of this song, it is clear that the derealisation is a symptom of the classification of being a "medical patient” and being in a hospital. Why? Because this is an unnatural and unusual way to classify a human being, and the experience of being in a hospital is inherently unnatural, what with it being a hospital and all. 

But, then we see "Losing patience with the process, walking hand in hand with Satan." So, not only has Ren been reduced to some inhuman classification of himself, but he has been moralised, demonised, and turned into this 'bad patient' I mentioned earlier. So what has followed dehumanisation is a 'rehumanisation' as some 'evil' person, for not conforming to a system that does not listen to Ren asking it for help.

“Is this all making sense, Ren?

Uh, yeah, I think so-

Good. What I propose we do is we try to pinpoint the exact experiences from the past that are keeping you stuck.

What can you tell me about your childhood?

Um, I can’t really think-

It’s ok if nothing comes up right away. 

What I’d like you to do is take some deep breaths with me,

In, and out,

In, and out,

Good, now tell me the first thing that comes to your mind”

Here, the medic is not listening to Ren at all, deciding his treatment plan for him and instructing him to perform breathing exercises. The questions about childhood are interrogatory and totally impersonal. While there is a place for breathing exercises, as they put the body into a less heightened state, when imposed on someone at the same time they are asked personal questions is a recipe for disaster, as we see next:

“I feel like it’s not me, it’s the world that’s sick,

We’re given everything we need and we commoditise it,

We consume, we destroy, like we’re parasitic,

Science tells us that it’s suicide and still we commit,

I’m not sick, we are sick, we are standing on a cliff,

In the name of progress, we jump off the precipice,

I’m not sick, I’m the virus, you’re the virus, hypocrite,

How can you sit there with that smile on and tell me that I’m sick?

Sick boy, sick boy, looking for a fix boy,

Push it down in public, quick, pose for the pic, boy,

Record label meetings that commodify your gift, boy,

Why you so upset? Don’t you wanna be a rich boy?

Fuck no, industry is cutthroat,

I’ve been doing bits by myself swimming backstroke,

Walking on a tightrope, rapping with a slit throat,

The way that we persist is like the ending of a bad joke,

As the people evolve, we’re complacent to assailants and we do what we’re told,

Counter-intelligence, a sight to behold,

Rape the earth of all resources, and we bleed it for gold,

And we bleed it for wealth, we bleed it for fame,

But when you bleed it can you tell me what the fuck will remain?

And I’m bleeding myself, I’m bleeding my brain,

While I’m bleeding, I’m the reason cause I’m doing the same.”

This passionate explosion of what Ren really thinks completely tears the room apart, shattering the mirrors that prevent us all from being smart, yet finishing with such a humble offering that we are all guilty of this, “While I’m bleeding, I’m the reason ‘cause I’m doing the same.” The problem we all face is a problem we all cause, yet what alternative do we have? To keep marching forth in the name of progress, are we to “jump off the precipice?” It is just what we do as a species, and why we see the rise and fall of civilisation recur over and over? 

I find these lyrics empowering, not depressing, as they capture the rage of my generation, who see a future of war, climate catastrophe and the prospect of total collapse; yet, when we face a trauma response we are - sometimes - told we are to blame, or that the best fix is to focus on less stressful things. Well, perhaps our bodies would not have a flight or fight response triggered if there was not a cause for our minds to recognise the existential threats we see around us. Perhaps what we need to do is focus on how we can steer ourselves from the cliff edge and rather than seek progress for the sake of progress (a lot has been made - do we actually need to go further?), we enter into a new era of sustainability for the sake of survival. Or, we can carry on as we are, accelerating towards the sea because we cannot bear to see the sewage ridden depths that await us. Although, that’s not to say we shouldn’t deescalate ourselves from a trauma response, or that medication or mental health services are a bad thing; it is to say that we have a big problem we all need to address, and that it will, in turn, reduce the number of people struggling with mental health. 

All in all, I really enjoyed ‘Sick Boi’ as both a piece of music and as food for thought. Reflecting on the lyrics of songs is something I quite enjoy doing, as I brings new meaning to the music and aids my enjoyment. Yet, at the same time, a politically aware artist such as Ren can bring much more to the experience, not only providing me something I can relate my own experiences to, but a powerful reminder of where the locus of control does in fact lie: in all of us.

It is only as a community that we can survive the future, as that is what has defined successful civilisation for all of human history. How can any State function if not for the collaborative efforts of the people? It is us, the people, who give rise to the existence of our Towns, County’s, Countries and species as a whole. So how are we to be defined? The Century where everyone stopped caring and let their planet die? The Century plagued by war? The Century of extreme economic inequality? 

We’ve still got about three quarters of this Century to go, so, here’s hoping more artists like Ren can get this much needed message out there.